Hello to one and all. Well 2009 is pretty much at the door with bags packed and the taxi is in the driveway waiting to take it away.
So today I kick 2009 in the balls and welcome 2010 with open arms. I see 2009 as the grumpy old man living next door who had nothing nice to say and lived a life of negativity. I see 2010 as the hot girl next door, full of innocence, hot and welcoming. So for fun, I'm going to make my own "predictions" of what will happen this coming year as we end the first decade of the 21st century and embark on anew.
1. Tiger Woods will quit golf, open a strip bar and personally interview each new employee in his private room complete with king sized bed, a bar, stripper pole and jacuzzi. 3 of his mistresses will admit to having his baby and his ex-wife will marry John Daly.
2. Britney Spears will sign on to do playboy only to find out she is just going to be on the cover.
3. Al Gore will admit that he is behind the whole "Global warming" issue as he just wanted the attention after getting snubbed in the 2000 election by Dumbass W. Bush.
4. Pauly Shore will get yet another chance at redeeming himself and his acting career only to bomb because it's a film by the Wayan brothers.
5. The economic problem in the U.S. will pan out after the public learns GM, Chrysler and Ford used all the bailout money to build real Transformers and they will be controlled to attack other countries, take all their resources and money but won't bother with Canada as they don't see the value in snow, maple syrup, touques and Anne Murray.
6. A major natural disaster will occur once again testing the limits of mankind. It will happen in Quebec so no one goes forth to test their limits. It's Quebec. No one cares.
7. Danny Devito will admit to the public that he had a love affair with Arnold Schwarzenegger in the 70's and have a love child. They named him Darren and put him up for adoption somewhere in Eastern Canada.
8. An asteroid will hit the southern region of the U.S. in the latter part of 2010, scientist Mark Bezalanger, who was the chief scientist for monitoring the sector of space that the asteroid came from will be quoted as saying "What? I thought it was just a spec of dust on my telescope. I fucked up, sue me." He's never heard from again.
9. Earth will finally experience first contact from an alien race and it happens in a small town in Northern Manitoba. They leave to never come back.
10. Major websites Google, Twitter, Myspace, Facebook and Yahoo will combine their sites into one ultimate web page "Yahoomyfacetwattedgoogle.com".
And those are just some of what I believe will happen in the upcoming and exciting year of 2010.
Tonight, at midnight, grab someone and kiss the shit out of them. It's the only time you should be able to get away with it.
Here's to a better year.