Monday, November 30, 2009

A hole in one..........or two.

So. The golf android with perfect teeth and a billion dollar smile has a penis. Surprise. Mr. Tiger Woods had a mysterious car accident coming out of his driveway and it apparently was a good one. The man hit a fire hydrant I hear and then was stopped by a tree and suffered some pretty good injuries. So I hear. Now what I'm hearing is some things were weird to what happened with the car accident. He had scratches on his face that were not caused by any glass or debris and his back window of the car was smashed out. The story now is believed that the dude was having an affair and his wife found out, hence the fast drive out the driveway and they say she took a golf club to his rear window in the process of his escape. Another story is that she smashed the back window out with a golf club to get to him after the accident happened. To me, I believe the first story about Mr. Woods having an affair.
I just love how he is asking the public to respect their privacy and let them handle the matter behind closed doors. You may be a golfer but hey buddy, you are of high celebrity status. That's the price you pay when you get famous and rich. So if you go ahead and spend time on someone else's fairway and sink your ball in another hole other than the neatly trimmed green you are used to, you have to pay the price for being famous and for venturing on to a new course that you know you shouldn't be on. I'm just impressed that the dorky looking, clean cut golfer that looks and acts like a robot has shown that he too has faults just like us humans and got caught for it. I wonder how it all went down with his mistress, "Oh baby, I've never done this before" "It's okay Tiger, take your time" "This has never happened to me though, I'm sorry I went so fast.........mulligan?" "Sure Tiger, sure"
I also love the fact that no matter how cheesy it sounds, she gets to call him Tiger the whole time he's swinging his wood with her. "Oh Tiger! Right there Tiger. I love it Tiger, oh Tiger!"
So, Mr. Woods, suck it up, admit it publicly and carry on with your life. There's no need to hide it, we all know what happened. Next time, call your wife to tell her and make sure you are far away when doing it. Like India.



Saturday, November 21, 2009

To boldly go where no dork has gone before........

Earth. An acceptable frontier. These are the voyages of my life, my continuing mission to seek out new experiences and to enjoy life and to boldly go where no dork has gone before.........(cue 60's hippy music)
Star Trek. What's wrong with liking it? Why do people mock those that do? I know why. Because those people are stuck back in high school and maintain the sense that it's nerdy. Or it's because they are jealous because they tried watching it but aren't smart enough to understand the phrases or terms used. Live and let live but if you get backed into a corner, fight back I say. Well "normal" people, I'm a dork and I love it. Now, don't get me wrong. I don't know specific details like the layout of the enterprise or where their bathrooms are nor do I live in my parents basement and play dungeons and dragons. I merely enjoy the entertainment of said series.
BUT. I am a Star Wars fan hands down. I choose it over Trek and always will. It was the first sci-fi I was introduced to as a child and loved it. The original three were classic and always will be. The "prequels" were good but nothing will ever compare to the original. I always will hold a dear place in the cockles of my heart for Leia in her slave dress and the whole series as it had a profound impact on my growing up in my life.
Feel free to mock and scoff at me but everyone has their form of entertainment and things they enjoy. Are you mocked for what you like on a regular basis? No, I highly doubt it. So leave those be who enjoy something different than you. We'll kick your ass. Yeah, I said it. What do you want to do? Fight about it? Bring it on. I'll unleash the force on your ass and wreak havoc on your weak ass mind.
May the force be with you as you live long and prosper.


Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The end is near, stock up on water now!

Okay, here we go. Dec. 12, 2012. I've talked to a few people, read some web sites and recently heard the report that NASA has concluded that nothing will happen and the world will not end on this date. The Mayan calendar ends at that time but it simply meant that that's as far was they went with their calendar system and I can't comprehend as to why they went that far ahead with their calendar. Did they have great ideas for pin-up girls or hot rod calendars going that far out? I mean these guys vanished. Where did they go? They had so much time planned for something hundreds of years in to the future. Why did the vanish? Did someone taint the kool-aid?
I've read some websites from physicists, astronomers with degrees and so on and they all say the same thing. The world is not going to end. Stop panicking. Now, I've also talked to friends and like me, they all like to spread their theory of what's to come and that's fine but I'm calling it now for those of you without doctorates or a degree in astro-physics who say that we are in for a huge disaster or the world is going to end; THE WORLD WILL NOT SUFFER A MAJOR DISASTER NOR END. Now, the world is not going to end on that day but I never said that it's inevitable someday this planet will cease to exist. Be it our own demise, an asteroid, the sun burning out or the planet exploding from a blast from the deathstar, it will happen. Hell, I could wake up tomorrow dead from a huge meteor shower that hit earth, it's going to end somehow or someway but none of us know for sure how it will end. So until then, don't believe the hype and carry on with your life until you know for sure that this is the end. And hey, we all go sometime, question is, will it be before the world ends or due to the world ending?
I also believe that the world will be around for a long, long time and so shall we. Know how I know? Because Gene Roddenberry says so. He wasn't just a visionary, he was from the future. Plain and simple. Gene came back to shed some light into what the human race is ahead for and I for one am jealous that I won't be around to meet Seven of nine, tell Jordi his visor is actually a hair clip over his eyes, ask Kirk how many women he slept with or measure my junk along side with Data knowing every time that he'd win because he is fully functional and can make his wang to any appropriate size needed. Come on, if you watched TNG, you saw the episode and all thought the same thing.
Time to go, I have a date with a measuring tape.

Forget tomorrow and live today.